My path of "healing" ended, and I began genuinely living, when I finally decided to chuck my victim mentality in the shit can.

I had tried all the traditional things, including over 30 meds and several therapists, but nothing worked. I realized I needed to pave my path and find my way.

It started with yoga and meds. Then more doctors and neurologists, neurofeedback, acupuncture, supplementation, exercise, diet, healers, EFT, emotional release. Every step was indeed one step closer to the answer…

My thoughts

The ongoing struggles with mental and physical health came to an end with a new way of thinking and being.

The stories and thoughts I kept believing are and always will be THE ROOT cause of all my problems. If I believed I was flawed and broken and that someone outside of me knew the answer, I felt terrified, helpless, and like a victim. But every time that I went inside and believed a new story of love, wholeness, and that all healing is possible, the shift of external symptoms and problems vanished.

But this journey has been long with many layers.

My journey towards health and vitality started with neurofeedback and getting off all medication. It evolved into holistic and natural practices.

Unfortunately, I still had the victim mentality and was trusting alternative practitioners to then save me with neurofeedback, natural supplements, and tinctures. None of this is bad or wrong, but what I still had was the belief that something outside of me knew better! I was still not trusting myself and still believing I was broken.

The final piece of the puzzle was when I found and began practicing mindset coaching, which only looks at changing your beliefs. Changing the way you think is incredible work and where all answers lie. What you believe is what makes you sick, unhappy, broke, and lost.

Despite so much healing, I was still married to my story of victim and external saviors. I've had every disease and symptom that you can dream up, and they were only to keep the story of being a victim and broken alive.

We are all made of stories. Even when they are a lie, our brains don't know or care how much it harms or makes you suffer, the brain's only job is to find evidence to prove every belief true.

Every money belief, health belief, relationship belief, and parenting belief is a direct result of our subconscious thoughts.

I was raised with a firm belief in modern medicine. It was all I knew. To this day, I want to believe that it will save me and heal me. But it never did, and it was never meant to.

Having a savior is what keeps a victim a victim. If you are always looking for a rescuer, then you don't ever have to be an emotional adult or empowered.

It gives you someone to blame. But there's no one to blame! Not even yourself, because every human is doing the best they can with what they know.

I believe this with all my heart. Because even when you know better, it's incredibly hard to do better because your subconscious beliefs are controlling your behavior.

I've known for years that I'm not flawed, mental, or fundamentally broken at the core, but that doesn't stop me from freaking out every time I have a huge emotional wave.

It didn't stop me from asking do I need an antidepressant or doctor or some healer to save me.

It didn't stop me from continually hunting for the perfect diet or expert to tell me what to eat.

That's what my brain will do when fight or flight is triggered. I begin looking outside of myself for a savior. I will read every book, take every class, look under every stone for an answer, and now I'm extremely smart, educated, and experienced.

But it didn't matter because my internal knowing, compass, soul, spirit, and essence always knew the answer all along!

My journey of healing was to allow my brain to observe and let all the years of chatter come up and out. I had to spill the rivers of tears and hear what my inner self/inner child wanted to share, but then the quiet came.

A calm quiet that held all the answers arrived, a still knowing and peace that is stronger than anything or anyone showed up.

This is your guide.

It's in your body, not your head.

It's quiet and many times extremely difficult to hear over the chatter of stories your brain tells you.

Your brain tells you these stories to keep you out of suffering, trying to protect you.

Except there is no need to protect. Only forgive and then fuel your self-care more fiercely than ever before.

There's nothing to fear.

Your only job is to listen and love. Hear the stories of old for the last time and then my friends, it's time to write a new one.

Your future is bright and full of every desire and dream you want, but first, you must give up your old limiting stories and remember your worth that can never change.

You are worthy of anything, but the old stories keep it out.

Let the victim story go and relax into your real life.