One of my favorite thought work leaders has the idea that there are three types of businesses: our business, God's business, and other people's business. When we leave our own business and we venture into God's business or other people's business, we will suffer.

People pleasing is when we leave our lane and go into God's or someone else's business.

We are so invested in other people.

Most of us believe that the people in our lives determine our emotions, our feelings, and our lovability.

We think it's the end of the world if they don't have a high opinion of us.

This couldn't be further from the truth.

It's the judgments of ourselves that make us feel good, bad, terrible, or loved.

Have you ever considered who or what determines all things good and bad?

It is you!

It's all in what you think.

When you think someone is good or someone is bad, it's just a thought or judgment. If someone thinks you are good or bad, it's only his or her's thought or judgment.

It is not the truth.

I believe the truth is that all humans are a mess and all humans are wonderful.

We can focus on the messy parts of ourselves and other humans, but this feels terrible.

It feels better to focus on the lovely part of other people, but remember, all humans are all wonderful and a mess.

You may be desperately trying not to be a mess so that you can be worthy and lovable so people will accept you.

This is utterly fruitless because we are always lovable and we are still a mess!

Do you see how whether you focus on the negative parts, or the positive parts we are all still humans?

So, you may ask what the point is?

The point is that we are all trying to find a space of less suffering and more joy.

The point is, you need to take a breath and realize your thoughts will make you crazy if you do not question them.

It is peace once you reach the place of realizing that we are all a mess and we are all wonderful.

The ultimate state of peace is accepting all of life: the good, the bad, the wonderful, the ugly, the abuse, the wars, the part where people die, the parties, and all of life's joys.

There is a difference between needless suffering and the suffering that is part of being a human.

The needless suffering is when we aren't growing and/or hating ourselves and other people, then soothing with some form of drugging (food, busyness, alcohol, technology, ect.).

The suffering that is part of being a human being is when you grow, evolve, and do new things.

You feel the negative emotions of struggle, but also the relief of accomplishment.

What's so interesting is when we accept everything the way it currently is, we get to peace, joy, and gratitude so much faster than when we're trying to be good, better, or accomplished.

This doesn't mean that we don't strive for accomplishment or a better state of being, but the energy in how we approach our goals instantly shifts.

You realize that whether you reach the goal or not, you are still worthy and 100% lovable.

Now you are in a new space of a new accomplishment and a new space of a new mess.

Life, in its balance of joy and problems, never changes.

The point is to let go of judgment and suffering, realizing you get to choose your flavor of pain.

Choosing the flavor of growth in suffering is fulfillment.

That shift and movement forward is peace and the end of needless suffering.

The suffering that we experience at a higher state of being is the suffering we choose on purpose.

We don't keep suffering from self-loathing and eating food that poisons our body, because it's harming ourselves.

We choose to feel the pain that inevitably comes up as we grow. The discomfort of new and unfamiliar is entirely different than the pain of self- loathing.

Growth is about the journey and becoming a fuller version of who you are, not the facade of trying to be someone or something else in order to be loved.

When you create this false version of yourself in hopes that someone will then give you love, you are trying to achieve the unachievable. This will never work.

If you want or need something, go out and get it! You don’t need permission or someone’s approval!

It is your job and your unalienable right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness to do this.

When you reach the point of empowerment and trust in yourself to take care of your physical, mental, and emotional needs, then everyone else can just be them, and you can only be you.

What a relief!

If you want to recover from people pleasing, it is a process. A process I do not advise going alone.

I am a master certified people pleaser who is now in recovery. I teach this process every day of the week.

It is not sticking up for yourself and becoming rude or confrontational.

It is a process of vulnerability and compassion. The result is strengthened relationships, with yourself and everyone else.

You weren't born a people pleaser, it's a learned behavior ( that doesn't work and will eventually make you suicidal).

When you people please, what you are really saying is, "I'll make you happy, but I'll be sad".

WHAT?!?

Most of the time, the other person isn't even interested in your version of happy that you think you are giving up for them.

Just STOP!

I teach an entire course on this very topic, which it is called how to stop lying and manipulating.

Your welcome!

Yes, I just called you a liar and a manipulator.

See you inside!