Are you struggling with the sheer overwhelm of how far you have to go? Does it seem like you sometimes have such a big pile of old hurts, trauma, bad habits, and yuck to wade through that it seems pointless?

This is so understandable.

I was talking with a close friend and she was so overwhelmed with how much healing she needed in order to get rid of her female issues and possibly get pregnant. (This was alongside medical care.)

As we talked I told her of my experiences with thought work, emotional healing, and shifting into healing versus suffering.

Life is full of wounding and healing. When we live fully: taking risks, facing our fears with courage, and doing life: there will be wounds. It feels normal to contract and live from a place of safety and familiarity, but this is only an illusion. There is no such thing as safety. And we aren't really in control. Staying stuck feels safe but it’s another form of chosen suffering. Wounding and healing are a life-cycle. We will always have to work against familiar patterns and the desire to be comfortable. But if you click back to this blog post, it explains how staying comfortable comes with a duller set of negative emotions: there is no way out of feeling bad in life sometimes.

The point of all of this is to get good at the processing. Since we have no way out of negative life events, negative emotions, pain, loss, and grief, we may as well get good at it. This can feel depressing for some. I have grappled with this most of my life, but I have learned when I relax into it, it's not as painful. Processing pain as a workout helps. You hate working out and you want to avoid the gym. But when you commit to working out it surprisingly feels really good. Then you want to do more and more. But if you quit, the struggle of avoidance gets bigger and bigger, and overwhelm follows. Feeling our feelings every day is the exact same. Feeling your feelings, all of them, every day actually feels like finally being alive. 

We are meant to live a full rich life, not in reaction or contraction. Before I knew this I lived constantly in a state of reaction and contraction. I was floundering and miserable. I was running from feelings as fast as I could. First I ate to avoid feeling, then spent a truckload of time trying to lose the weight with diets that didn't work and exercise that couldn't possibly burn off the food I was eating.  It was a negative spin down a dark hole as I believed these intense feelings were a sign of mental illness.  In addition to other countless distractions, I was blocked from experiencing so much of life. I spent my days thinking about my weight and my "illness". I missed out on truly being present with my children, doing what filled me up, contributing to others and the greater good, and so much more. I was consumed with this storm of stories, all from the past, all unquestioned, and all awful.

I began a journey of questioning the belief that my feelings were bad. Little by little, I took baby steps into the pain that life brings.  We can’t and shouldn’t try to avoid this pain. I began to feel old hurts and rewrote old stories. In this process, I learned emotional pain isn't bad.  We can heal the past, moving into a life so much fuller and richer. There is suffering we can't avoid that comes with being alive and there is suffering we create and perpetuate that is entirely optional. When we carry our old traumas with us it harms us; we can't move forward authentically. The point is to be present - moving through each experience fully. When we don't do this, we block it and it stays with us in our body, creating disease. Healing the past releases the trapped emotions and trauma, keeping us free from pain and dis-ease.  This is a huge ongoing process.  But what about moving forward?

It’s time to stop blocking our current experiences. This may seem overwhelming, but it's not. You take each day as it comes, and acknowledge each feeling as it represents, then consciously let it go. Release it. This is a fluid practice of learning and practicing each present-day feeling all the way through.

Here are the exact steps:

1.  When you have the urge to eat, pause. Have awareness of your feelings.

2.  Name the feeling (out loud or in your head)

3.  Consciously say “I let this feeling go.  I honor it.  I let it go.”

4.  Check back in and see if you still want to eat. If the craving feels less but is still there, repeat this process. If you decide to eat, congratulate yourself for at least feeling before you took a bite. If and when you are ready, go a little longer the next time you want to eat impulsively.

You aren't going to want to do this, but when you take one tiny step forward, the momentum begins. and you can take 2 tiny steps tomorrow. Each failure you build on is how you get good. There are no wasted or pointless steps. If I hadn't discovered the tools I know and the God-given gift of applying them, I wouldn't have many precious gifts or experiences. I would still be spinning in this illusion of suffering. But on the flip side has life without the old spins been pain-free? Far from it! I think life is still not for the faint of heart, and I still spend much time rebalancing, feeling, and healing. But the joy that comes with really living is like no other. 

I'd rather have this painful life that feels so vulnerable and scary, than the life I used to live. So remember, when you want to stay in your comfort zone, (which is also the place you feel overwhelmed)— It only takes one tiny choice to be present with today to begin a shift. And then tomorrow, and the next. Practice acknowledging, honoring, holding yourself; and being with the truth of how you feel. With this self-compassion and forgiveness, you will feel the urge to take tiny steps toward what feels good to you. And from there you can move into actions that have a powerful impact on improving your life.  And then the sky’s the limit!

Give this a try and let me know how it goes.