Do you feel exhausted or depleted? Burnt out? Tired all the time?

If you do, you most likely have warring beliefs in your head.

These look like, “I should…” followed with, “But I don’t feel like it.”.

We all have shoulds in our lives. And these many times can be good, but they need to be questioned.

If we don’t question these “shoulds” and just believe they are valid, then we start to rebel, resist, or react to them. 

Conflicting thoughts look like this”

• “I should cook healthy meals, but I hate cooking.”

• “I should be a better mom, but I hate doing…(fill in the blank)

• “I should be more motivated, but I don’t know what I want to do.

These conflicts also come from comparing ourselves to others.

• “I should be like so and so, but I don’t know how they do it!”

• “Rhonda loves to follow routines, but I can’t get myself to do what she does.”

• “June loves to have parties, but I hate them.”

• “Kathleen is the perfect mom, but I don’t love the baby stage.”

We are unaware of these thoughts many times, but we can feel them. They drag our energy down. 

It takes a lot of work to keep up with your "shoulds". Especially if you hate the ones you put on yourself. 

Take some time to journal or observe your thoughts when you feel tired and exhausted. I don’t mean physical tiredness, but when you feel depleted. 

I read this quote somewhere, “You aren’t tired, you are uninspired”. 

This drain of energy comes from unquestioned beliefs, usually from society or culture that doesn’t work for us. 

The way to uncover these thoughts is to journal them on paper when you feel drained. 

On the days you just want to sit on the couch, grab a pen and paper and write. Notice what you are thinking, what you should be doing.

Ask yourself: “Why should I be doing this? Should I? Do I agree with this should?”.

Then break the “should” into two parts.

1. I should get up and get something done.

2. But I don’t feel like it. 

Now just pick one thought and go all in.

If you go with number one it would look like this.
 

1. "I should get something done because it would feel so much better."

2. Now pick the thing that is the most important thing to YOU.

3. When you decide what that is, now choose empowering thoughts. "Ok girl, let’s go! You can do this! Hoo-rah-rah!"

4. When you get that done celebrate by resting and recharging by doing what you love to do. Think celebratory thoughts. "You are awesome at doing hard things! Yes! Great Job!"

If you go with number two it will look like this.
 

1. Choose to not participate in the should with thoughts like this.

• "I don’t feel up to doing anything today and I am going all in. I deserve a day off."

• "It is ok to rest. The world will survive if I rest."

• "What do I need to delegate, reschedule, or cross off my list today? Can I order take-out? Do I need to call my husband and let him know I need help? Should I hire a babysitter today?"

• "Now I can rest, and I am going back to bed and pulling the covers over my head."

1. Your job now is to constantly redirect your brain with the decision you made. When you fully embody one thought and drop the other, your energy will instantly shift.

If you've decided to go all-in with number one above you’ll feel energized.


If you've decided to go all-in on number two, you will rest, recharge, and have more energy.

If you pick an option but didn't go all in, you'll find you will be fighting with yourself all day. The exhaustion will stay. The point of this exercise is to show you that you have control over your energy when you consciously decide what you want. 

What you want isn’t right or wrong.


I know, you may be arguing with me in your head now. But if you say, “I should clean, feed my kids, or have my in-laws over and I hate it!”, who are serving in the world?


You are doing it with resentment, and most likely doing a terrible job anyway. You may as well quit. I would like to see you excited and loving doing this. Or change your routine to where you can get what you need to be done, but in a way that gives you energy.


There are no rules except the ones you decide. So if you are deciding, why wouldn’t you pick what you want?

This isn’t a moral exercise, it’s a strategy of “When I get on my own team, my energy comes back”. 

When I quit “shoulding” all over myself, I do 10x the work because I am energized.

I used to say I hated cooking. I resented cooking. I hated the whole process. But it was followed with, “But I should feed my family. Good moms love to cook, and feed their family”.


When I decided to pick one or the other, I decided I wanted to love cooking.


I have friends who are the type of people that cooking and eating is the art in their life, and yes they are toothpicks. I had to learn how to embody how they lived. Cooking great food comes from the energy of being an artist. I first had to learn the basics of cooking and now I can play with it.


When I cook now, it feels grounding and creative, and I get to eat something delicious.


If I don’t feel like cooking, which happens regularly, we eat leftovers or take out. No drama, just a decision.


And I have all this other energy to do what I want. And some days that is nothing, just rest. Everyone gets fed, the family likes me better when I  am rested, and I like me better when I am rested.


Instead of living in this daily battle of “shoulds”, and exhaustion. I rest when I need rest, and I trust I’ll get it all done when I recharge.


Because I always do. 

The point is to choose so you can recharge, and get on with life. Does this make sense?

Now get to work! This may take time and practice, but it will change everything!