Shame
Shame can be such a damaging emotion.
It is an emotion that is a by-product of thinking there is something wrong with you or that you are somehow flawed or broken.
Shame feels so uncomfortable and unbearable, but what I know for sure is that it is a normal human emotion.
I understand wanting to avoid and pretend shame doesn't exist. I also understand wanting to lash out at others in anger and blame, rather than feeling the shame.
What I can tell you though, is letting the feeling of shame vibrate all the way through, and understand what thought is causing it, will always be a better decision than reacting, engaging, or fondling it.
No-one gets to bypass this emotion!
The actions that come from shame are incredibly damaging and completely useless.
Underneath shame is hiding, victim mentality, blaming, and completely abdicating all responsibility for what you can control!
The shame cycle is a big loop creating more evidence for shame.
This pattern ripples out into your relationships.
If you think there is something wrong with you, then most likely you will think there is something wrong with everyone else too.
What happens when you feel shame? You likely start pointing the finger and shaming other people too.
How many times have you asked, "What is wrong with you"?
Remember, there is nothing wrong with people.
There is no upside to thinking your bad, broken or wrong!
So what's the alternative?
How about you are a human!
All humans are 50% awesome and 50% a mess. All of them!
When you think your broken or there is something wrong with you, it's challenging to move forward.
Shame creates the energy of trying extra hard (which is exhausting) or trying with the underlying belief that it won't really won't work!
You may think, “Well, I have this thing wrong with me and now I'll just "cope" the best I can”.
It's like thinking you're broken and there's no real hope.
So, good luck sucker! I hope you achieve those food freedom or health goals!
It will never work.
You will fail, either intentionally or unintentionally, and then point to the evidence that there really is something wrong with you.
Your secondary emotion will be anger.
In your frustration of not reaching your goal, you begin to rage at others.
This feels so awful, and I can guarantee the finger pointing will begin!
Your anger is directed at everyone and everything because you're a victim of whatever is wrong with you!
The reason you are struggling in your life or eating out of control isn't that there is anything wrong with you!
It's because you are a human with a brain that loves pleasure, and thinks it’s safer to stay in the same unhealthy patterns!
Hello, normal functioning person!
Stopping the shame cycle starts with an awareness of your behavior, and not shaming yourself for noticing when you feel shame!
Shaming yourself for feeling shame doesn't solve a darn thing.
You know what does?
Compassion.
Understanding.
Curiosity.
Patience.
So, when you default to thinking there must be something wrong with me...
Pause.
Start thinking some thoughts that create compassion, understanding, curiosity, and patience.
What if I’m wrong about thinking there is something wrong with me?
I wonder why I'm so committed to believing this?
What could loosen this thought?
Do I want to keep creating evidence for this thought?
Do I remember that just because I think something, it doesn't mean it's true?
Is there an upside to thinking this?
When I think there's something wrong and I feel shame, how do I act? Is acting this way useful?
Shame is an emotion that is founded on the belief that you are broken.
No one on this planet is broken, and there is nothing wrong with anyone!
The only thing happening is there are people with symptoms of suffering and disease, but people are always whole and worthy
I don’t care what disease, mental struggle, or problem you have.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you!
You are a perfect, whole, worthy human being and... kind of a mess!
Thinking there is something wrong with you never create a positive outcome.
It creates self-pity and victim mentality which doesn’t produce the energy you need to find the solution to the problem, disease, or suffering!
The energy you want instead is the empowered energy to change what you can!
What can you control?
Can you feel all of your emotions instead of hiding from them?
Can you do a little better today then you did yesterday?
Can you have compassion for yourself by telling yourself, "I am a human who struggles just like the rest of the humans?”.